Mr. Chinchilla's Tee-Vee Suggestions

Hi, peeps!

Good to see you again! You know, there's nothing better than a profanity-laden tirade for alleviating a chinchilla's ire over folks who have nothing better to do than type in searches on ways to kill chinchillas.

Now that I'm happy again, I thought I would offer you some suggestions I have for some new tee-vee shows. Not that I'm angry about it, but have you noticed the conspicuous absence of chinchillas on our airwaves? We've had shows featuring dogs, cats, a horse, a talking car, and an alien that ate cats. But there's never even an iota of a mention of a chinchilla. And not that I'm angry about this, but I think that sucks.

Because I know the television writers are incredibly busy after their return from the strike, I figure they don't have time to imagine a unique television show featuring a chinchilla. That's why I'm suggesting that we simply take some existing shows and tinker with them a bit. Here are some of my humble suggestions:

1. 60 Chinchillas. It's just like 60 Minutes except that I would replace Andy Rooney as the crank as well as all the other reporters except for Mike Wallace. I think me and Mike would make a sweet combination that would improve ratings by at least two Nielsen points.

2. One vs. The Chinchilla. Bob Saget stays, but everyone in the mob leaves. The contestant has to face the chinchilla if s/he wants to win the big moola. Also, I get to pick the questions after the contestant reaches the $100,000 mark.

3. According to the Chinchilla. I replace Jim Belushi. Then his wife, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith gives birth to a chinchilla baby on the show.

4. Lost Rodents. A ferret, a squirrel couple, a skunk, a rat, a mouse, a rabbit, a groundhog and a bald chinchilla are all trapped on a mysterious, desert island after the plane they're traveling in crashes.

5. Chinchilla or No Chinchilla. 100 briefcases. 99 contain different amounts of raisins. One contains a chinchilla. Choose wisely.

6. C-Span Chinchilla. This is just like "Interview with the Chinchilla" except that politicians are in the hot seat, and each one is hooked up to a lie detector test when they're answering the questions.

7. The Real World: The Burrow. By day, Mr. C and his roomies languish in their burrow and piddle with a community service project. By night, they get drunk and makeout with each other.

8. Big Chinchilla. Same as The Real World: The Burrow without the community service project plus the rodents vote to evict another rodent each passing week.

9. The Road Rules Chinchilla. Same as the Big Chinchilla without the voting and replace an RV for the burrow.

10. Pardon the Chinchilla. Mr. Chinchilla offers commentary on sports and dons masks of sports figures.