Whaddya Got, Eloise? 2007Le whaddya a obtenu, Eloise?
Paint Shop Pro 7, 114 x 143 pixels
Mr. Chinchilla's Hard drive, Big Chimney, West Virginia
the permanence of change...
1 hour ago
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Portrait of the Artist as a Chinchilla
Whaddya Got, Eloise? 2007Le whaddya a obtenu, Eloise?
Paint Shop Pro 7, 114 x 143 pixels
Mr. Chinchilla's Hard drive, Big Chimney, West Virginia
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews: Jelly-Filled
Hi, Jelly-Filled! I am so frickin' psyched to finally interview you and split an infinitive in the process!
Let's rock.
1. A little chinchilla tells me you enjoy poetry. How did you become interested in it, and, because you know I love two-part questions, rap me out some haiku on something you really dig.
I grew up with poetry. My dad is a retired principal, and he has farmed all his life, but he was also an English teacher and has old, typewritten poetry hidden here and there throughout his house. He was intensely private about his own writing, but he shared others'
poetry with me. When I was a kid, he used to give me rides on the tractor as he cut or baled hay, and he would recite poetry as we rode. The rhythms of poetry became second nature too, so when adolescence came, I began to write poems (albeit very bad ones) of my own
as an outlet for my teen angst.
I'm no pro at haiku by any stretch of the imagination, but for you, Mr. Chinchilla, I'll give it a whirl.
childhood behind bars
now eating raisins, free
this chinch interviews
2. Let's talk religion. You're Methodist and the dude you married is Jewish. What, if anything, have you learned from your interfaith union?
I've learned that interfaith relationships are much simpler, and more complicated, than one would initially think. In the beginning, we focused on trying to find middle ground with our different religious beliefs. That part has been relatively simple for us. I've learned about Judaism, and I've clarified my own beliefs, rejecting the things I no longer believe and embracing others more readily. It's been a great learning experience. I'm raising my children in a religion other than my own, and I'm actually perfectly okay with it. The cultural differences, though, have been the ones that have sneaked up on us and caused a few problems. Many of our disagreements have been over our culturally different ways of doing things or looking at things, and it will take us a while to realize what we're really arguing about.
3. Does "everything happen for a reason" or is that just a bunch of baloney?
Because I'm a romantic, I believe lots of good things happen for a reason. When it comes to tragedies, however, I don't buy it. People make meaning out of tragedy as a way to survive, and it's fine for an individual to look for meaning in his or her own suffering. But surely God doesn't say, "I'm going to kill this kid in a car accident to teach someone a lesson," and it infuriates me when others claim to know why a tragedy occurred. That's absurd. You know, we probably just look for meaning with the good stuff, too, when there is really only randomness. But that's a scary thought, so I prefer to believe happy coincidences are more than just coincidences.
4. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. My cap will allow you expert abilities in anything new that you want to learn--but my cap only allows you to learn one new thing. What is it?
It would be a new language, but I'm not sure which one I would choose -- maybe Spanish or Hebrew. I want to be a linguist in my next life.
5. Through some dubious chinchilla connections, I've placed you in charge of the "pre-prepared meals" department of a major food conglomerate. Your task is to create our signature microwaveable meal. Tell me about your creation!
I'd say we need a combination microwaveable meal for the busy family in which no two people like the same foods. One combination might include steak, vegetarian lasagna, chicken nuggets, and a quesadilla, as well as sides of veggies and fruits, some of them cleverly disguised for the young and finicky. That would allow me to feed our entire family with one trip to the microwave.
6. What's the noise? Oh, it's time for "Chinchilla Surprise"! Pick any question from any non-Halloween interview that you'd like to answer for this one.
Okay, I'm choosing the following question from your interview with Euterpe: "Tell us the punch line--and only the punch line--of your favorite joke."
The scientist writes: Frog, no legs, deaf.
7. This one's not a surprise. Would you ever wear a giant chinchilla mascot costume, and, if so, under what circumstance(s)?
I would, but it would have to be a very cold day and for a good cause.
8. The chinchilla's incredibly jaded about American politics, and he's hoping that you can offer him some hope here. Can you?
No, Mr. Chinchilla. No, I can't.
9. Let's shift gears. What's the best snack food ever?
Hmm . . . my snack food preferences change frequently. My favorite lately would be trail mix made with peanuts, raisins, and M&M's.
(I'll share my raisins with you, Mr. Chinchilla!)
10. Where's your favorite vacation spot?
I'm partial to Sedona, Arizona. We honeymooned there, and the red rocks are just beautiful. There's great hiking and biking. Although I wouldn't want to go in August the next time around, I would love to go there again.
Thanks, Jelly-Filled, for interviewing with the chinchilla! I hope we can do it again soon, and make sure to tell that bald dude you've married that Mr. Chinchilla finds you sexy.
Thanks, Mr. Chinchilla! It was my pleasure.
Let's rock.
1. A little chinchilla tells me you enjoy poetry. How did you become interested in it, and, because you know I love two-part questions, rap me out some haiku on something you really dig.
I grew up with poetry. My dad is a retired principal, and he has farmed all his life, but he was also an English teacher and has old, typewritten poetry hidden here and there throughout his house. He was intensely private about his own writing, but he shared others'
poetry with me. When I was a kid, he used to give me rides on the tractor as he cut or baled hay, and he would recite poetry as we rode. The rhythms of poetry became second nature too, so when adolescence came, I began to write poems (albeit very bad ones) of my own
as an outlet for my teen angst.
I'm no pro at haiku by any stretch of the imagination, but for you, Mr. Chinchilla, I'll give it a whirl.
childhood behind bars
now eating raisins, free
this chinch interviews
2. Let's talk religion. You're Methodist and the dude you married is Jewish. What, if anything, have you learned from your interfaith union?
I've learned that interfaith relationships are much simpler, and more complicated, than one would initially think. In the beginning, we focused on trying to find middle ground with our different religious beliefs. That part has been relatively simple for us. I've learned about Judaism, and I've clarified my own beliefs, rejecting the things I no longer believe and embracing others more readily. It's been a great learning experience. I'm raising my children in a religion other than my own, and I'm actually perfectly okay with it. The cultural differences, though, have been the ones that have sneaked up on us and caused a few problems. Many of our disagreements have been over our culturally different ways of doing things or looking at things, and it will take us a while to realize what we're really arguing about.
3. Does "everything happen for a reason" or is that just a bunch of baloney?
Because I'm a romantic, I believe lots of good things happen for a reason. When it comes to tragedies, however, I don't buy it. People make meaning out of tragedy as a way to survive, and it's fine for an individual to look for meaning in his or her own suffering. But surely God doesn't say, "I'm going to kill this kid in a car accident to teach someone a lesson," and it infuriates me when others claim to know why a tragedy occurred. That's absurd. You know, we probably just look for meaning with the good stuff, too, when there is really only randomness. But that's a scary thought, so I prefer to believe happy coincidences are more than just coincidences.
4. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. My cap will allow you expert abilities in anything new that you want to learn--but my cap only allows you to learn one new thing. What is it?
It would be a new language, but I'm not sure which one I would choose -- maybe Spanish or Hebrew. I want to be a linguist in my next life.
5. Through some dubious chinchilla connections, I've placed you in charge of the "pre-prepared meals" department of a major food conglomerate. Your task is to create our signature microwaveable meal. Tell me about your creation!
I'd say we need a combination microwaveable meal for the busy family in which no two people like the same foods. One combination might include steak, vegetarian lasagna, chicken nuggets, and a quesadilla, as well as sides of veggies and fruits, some of them cleverly disguised for the young and finicky. That would allow me to feed our entire family with one trip to the microwave.
6. What's the noise? Oh, it's time for "Chinchilla Surprise"! Pick any question from any non-Halloween interview that you'd like to answer for this one.
Okay, I'm choosing the following question from your interview with Euterpe: "Tell us the punch line--and only the punch line--of your favorite joke."
The scientist writes: Frog, no legs, deaf.
7. This one's not a surprise. Would you ever wear a giant chinchilla mascot costume, and, if so, under what circumstance(s)?
I would, but it would have to be a very cold day and for a good cause.
8. The chinchilla's incredibly jaded about American politics, and he's hoping that you can offer him some hope here. Can you?
No, Mr. Chinchilla. No, I can't.
9. Let's shift gears. What's the best snack food ever?
Hmm . . . my snack food preferences change frequently. My favorite lately would be trail mix made with peanuts, raisins, and M&M's.
(I'll share my raisins with you, Mr. Chinchilla!)
10. Where's your favorite vacation spot?
I'm partial to Sedona, Arizona. We honeymooned there, and the red rocks are just beautiful. There's great hiking and biking. Although I wouldn't want to go in August the next time around, I would love to go there again.
Thanks, Jelly-Filled, for interviewing with the chinchilla! I hope we can do it again soon, and make sure to tell that bald dude you've married that Mr. Chinchilla finds you sexy.
Thanks, Mr. Chinchilla! It was my pleasure.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews Jelly-Filled About Halloween
Hi, Jelly-Filled, why, yes, I'll be happy to ask you a few questions about Halloween!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever
worn?
One year I went as the headless horseman. We took one
of my dad's white dress shirts and cut eye holes in
the chest of it. I put it on and buttoned the collar
up over my head and covered the top of my head with
red cloth. I carried around a head made of a
knee-high stocking stuffed with pantyhose. It was
wearing one of those black winter hats that snaps
under the chin and has ear flaps. My brother wore the
same costume one year to a church Halloween party and
carried one of those laughing heads that spits when
you pull on its tie. Nobody knew who he was, so he
got by with spitting on everybody.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'd like to see you, Mr. Chinchilla, dressed as one of
those dancing hamsters that does kung fu.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We're giving some of the good candy bars, but we have
Smarties for back-up.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm not dressing up this year because I'll be too busy
getting my children in their costumes, escorting them
to the houses on our street, and comforting my
daughter when she is scared of every single decoration
she sees.
Thanks, Jelly-Filled! You rock! (I never get tired of saying that).
Thank you, Mr. Chinchilla. Have a great Halloween!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever
worn?
One year I went as the headless horseman. We took one
of my dad's white dress shirts and cut eye holes in
the chest of it. I put it on and buttoned the collar
up over my head and covered the top of my head with
red cloth. I carried around a head made of a
knee-high stocking stuffed with pantyhose. It was
wearing one of those black winter hats that snaps
under the chin and has ear flaps. My brother wore the
same costume one year to a church Halloween party and
carried one of those laughing heads that spits when
you pull on its tie. Nobody knew who he was, so he
got by with spitting on everybody.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'd like to see you, Mr. Chinchilla, dressed as one of
those dancing hamsters that does kung fu.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We're giving some of the good candy bars, but we have
Smarties for back-up.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm not dressing up this year because I'll be too busy
getting my children in their costumes, escorting them
to the houses on our street, and comforting my
daughter when she is scared of every single decoration
she sees.
Thanks, Jelly-Filled! You rock! (I never get tired of saying that).
Thank you, Mr. Chinchilla. Have a great Halloween!
The Chinchilla Interviews Barbie Girl About Halloween
Hi, Barbie Girl! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Bring on questions anytime. I love chatting with you Mr. Chinchilla.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
We always created costumes from stuff around the house. My favorite would have to be my old "Sailor man" costume. We bought only a mask that covered my face to just above my mouth. My mom and sister painted on stubble, I wore my dad's flannel shirt stuffed to give the illusion of a "pot belly", jeans, my dad's old Pea Coat from when he was in the navy and a parrot on my shoulder. I still have that mask to this day.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume,and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
This one has me stumped. Let's see... I'm getting a little crazy here but I will say, Britney Spears wearing.... are you ready? CLOTHES
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
At the Barbie (not so) Dream(y) House, we don't get any trick-or-treaters. But if I were to give out treats it would be the "good stuff" like Reese Cups.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm undecided. I usually do dress for Halloween. Barbie Jr. wants me to dress as a witch, so I may do that at least when I take her trick-or-treating. I've always secretly wanted to be the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz.
And of course a post wouldn't be complete without my mention of asshat. He's going as Stone Cold Steve Austin.
You totally rock Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, Barbie Girl! You rock!
Bring on questions anytime. I love chatting with you Mr. Chinchilla.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
We always created costumes from stuff around the house. My favorite would have to be my old "Sailor man" costume. We bought only a mask that covered my face to just above my mouth. My mom and sister painted on stubble, I wore my dad's flannel shirt stuffed to give the illusion of a "pot belly", jeans, my dad's old Pea Coat from when he was in the navy and a parrot on my shoulder. I still have that mask to this day.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume,and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
This one has me stumped. Let's see... I'm getting a little crazy here but I will say, Britney Spears wearing.... are you ready? CLOTHES
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
At the Barbie (not so) Dream(y) House, we don't get any trick-or-treaters. But if I were to give out treats it would be the "good stuff" like Reese Cups.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm undecided. I usually do dress for Halloween. Barbie Jr. wants me to dress as a witch, so I may do that at least when I take her trick-or-treating. I've always secretly wanted to be the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz.
And of course a post wouldn't be complete without my mention of asshat. He's going as Stone Cold Steve Austin.
You totally rock Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, Barbie Girl! You rock!
The Chinchilla Interviews Jenny of Jennyville About Halloween
Hi, Jenny! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Hey, Mr. C! I'm thrilled to be doing another interview with you, but mine will probably suck. As much as I love Halloween and dressing up, I never get to do it anymore. :\
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
That would be the year I went as Rainbow Brite, back in the 80s. My mom actually sewed the whole costume herself. It was totally pimp. :)
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I don't know why, but I really get a kick out of that guy in the Village People, the "biker/leatherman." The thought of ANYONE in that get up just totally cracks me up. Ben Franklin... Condoleeza Rice...Chairman Mao... you get the picture. lol
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
None. See below.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I can do better than that - I'll give you THREE good, valid reasons why I'm not dressing up.
1. I have no kids, nor any young friends or relatives who I could go trick-or-treating with (I do have a black cat, but trust me, she is not interested in trick-or-treating), and I'm too old to go trick-or-treating by myself.
2. No kids are going to come by my house for candy, either. My "town" is about 2 square miles in size, population of about 20, on a very quiet two-lane. The three kids in the area who are still trick-or-treating age will go into town 20 miles away where there's actually civilization... and sidewalks.
3. I have no life and have not been invited to any Halloween parties. Trust me... if I had an excuse to dress up, I totally would.
Thanks, Jenny! You rock!
Thanks, but I just feel lame now. lol
Hey, Mr. C! I'm thrilled to be doing another interview with you, but mine will probably suck. As much as I love Halloween and dressing up, I never get to do it anymore. :\
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
That would be the year I went as Rainbow Brite, back in the 80s. My mom actually sewed the whole costume herself. It was totally pimp. :)
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I don't know why, but I really get a kick out of that guy in the Village People, the "biker/leatherman." The thought of ANYONE in that get up just totally cracks me up. Ben Franklin... Condoleeza Rice...Chairman Mao... you get the picture. lol
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
None. See below.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I can do better than that - I'll give you THREE good, valid reasons why I'm not dressing up.
1. I have no kids, nor any young friends or relatives who I could go trick-or-treating with (I do have a black cat, but trust me, she is not interested in trick-or-treating), and I'm too old to go trick-or-treating by myself.
2. No kids are going to come by my house for candy, either. My "town" is about 2 square miles in size, population of about 20, on a very quiet two-lane. The three kids in the area who are still trick-or-treating age will go into town 20 miles away where there's actually civilization... and sidewalks.
3. I have no life and have not been invited to any Halloween parties. Trust me... if I had an excuse to dress up, I totally would.
Thanks, Jenny! You rock!
Thanks, but I just feel lame now. lol
The Chinchilla Interviews DC Comictician About Halloween
Hi, DC Comictician! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
One year I dressed up like a cop. It really scared the s**t out of everybody who saw me come around the corner.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Let's make that Pat Robertson. And let's go ahead and dress him up like that arch-villain the Christians call Satan.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Probably just little candy bars for the kids who dressed up in Marvel costumes ;)
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good valid reason why you're not.
Yes. I'm dressing up as Jason Voorhees because he's cool and he's got more lives than a cat.
Not really. It's just the only costume I can afford right now.
It's always a pleasure Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, DC Comictician! You rock!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
One year I dressed up like a cop. It really scared the s**t out of everybody who saw me come around the corner.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Let's make that Pat Robertson. And let's go ahead and dress him up like that arch-villain the Christians call Satan.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Probably just little candy bars for the kids who dressed up in Marvel costumes ;)
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good valid reason why you're not.
Yes. I'm dressing up as Jason Voorhees because he's cool and he's got more lives than a cat.
Not really. It's just the only costume I can afford right now.
It's always a pleasure Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, DC Comictician! You rock!
The Chinchilla Interviews Bill About Halloween
Hi, Bill! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Always glad to answer a few questions.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I had a Catholic priest costume that I was proud of. I think I wore it at a college party. Details are pretty hazy because I was fairly drunk. I am certain, however, the costume came off at some point. That may or may not have been my idea.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Ronald Reagan, when he was president. I think it would have been cool, if he'd been dressed up like the guy from the Iron Maiden t-shirts. He sort of looked like Eddie anyway. I think if he'd dressed like that early on, he could've ended communism a lot sooner... since, evidently, it was Ronald Reagan's sparkling personality and not forty years of futility and institutional misery that ended the Soviet Union.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Beer. Kids like beer, right?
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm not dressing up this year, though I've been wearing a tie to work lately. Evidently, for me, this means I'm looking for a job, going to a funeral or some sort of civil wedding. I like costumes, actually, but nothing is really leaping out at me. I could maybe go as Ben Affleck circa 2005 to probably yesterday, just dress like a douchebag, grow back my goatee, and put on a Sox baseball cap -no offense meant to the Red Sox.
Thanks, Bill! You rock!
Always glad to answer a few questions.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I had a Catholic priest costume that I was proud of. I think I wore it at a college party. Details are pretty hazy because I was fairly drunk. I am certain, however, the costume came off at some point. That may or may not have been my idea.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Ronald Reagan, when he was president. I think it would have been cool, if he'd been dressed up like the guy from the Iron Maiden t-shirts. He sort of looked like Eddie anyway. I think if he'd dressed like that early on, he could've ended communism a lot sooner... since, evidently, it was Ronald Reagan's sparkling personality and not forty years of futility and institutional misery that ended the Soviet Union.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Beer. Kids like beer, right?
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I'm not dressing up this year, though I've been wearing a tie to work lately. Evidently, for me, this means I'm looking for a job, going to a funeral or some sort of civil wedding. I like costumes, actually, but nothing is really leaping out at me. I could maybe go as Ben Affleck circa 2005 to probably yesterday, just dress like a douchebag, grow back my goatee, and put on a Sox baseball cap -no offense meant to the Red Sox.
Thanks, Bill! You rock!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews Chris About Halloween
Hi, Chris! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
One time I did a sort of Victor/Victoria thing where the left half of my body was me and the right half was me in drag. I even had one really nice boob with a hairband twisted to make a "boy it is cold in here" effect. That one got me some uber dirty looks from some anti-Halloween protesters.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
John Goodman as Abraham Lincoln in drag with a rugby ball painted like the Goodyear Blimp and a gator pitbull with a "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" shirt.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Mini-Bibles, toothbrushes, and grapes....haha, just kidding....Sweetarts, Smarties, and gum (sour apple, of course)
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Always! I'm not sure what it'll be, though. I've got it narrowed down to John Edwards (only with a $15 hair cut), Evil Chris (just me with a goatee), or Razor Ramon (complete with greased-up chest hair).
Thanks, Chris! You rock!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
One time I did a sort of Victor/Victoria thing where the left half of my body was me and the right half was me in drag. I even had one really nice boob with a hairband twisted to make a "boy it is cold in here" effect. That one got me some uber dirty looks from some anti-Halloween protesters.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
John Goodman as Abraham Lincoln in drag with a rugby ball painted like the Goodyear Blimp and a gator pitbull with a "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" shirt.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Mini-Bibles, toothbrushes, and grapes....haha, just kidding....Sweetarts, Smarties, and gum (sour apple, of course)
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Always! I'm not sure what it'll be, though. I've got it narrowed down to John Edwards (only with a $15 hair cut), Evil Chris (just me with a goatee), or Razor Ramon (complete with greased-up chest hair).
Thanks, Chris! You rock!
The Chinchilla Interviews JDB
Hi, JDB! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Cool! I'm not generally a big Halloween guy - I never liked dressing up all that much and I'm picky when it comes to candy, so I didn't really like most of the goodies I got trick or treating (to my brothers' benefit, of course!) - but I'll do my best.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I'm not sure any of them could be called "cool." The closest would probably be when I was in elementary school when I dressed up as Ace Frahley from Kiss, complete with makeup and spray painted silver guitar. The other one that I remember and think is sort of cool (which probably says bad things about me) was a judge's costume (robe, beard, gavel, etc.) that included signs hung around me neck that said "Here Comes Da' Judge" on the front and "There Goes Da' Judge" on the back.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Wow, that's a hard question. Past or present? Hmm. I'm going to cheat and give two answers. For current folks, I'd dress Dick Cheney up as Homey The Clown from In Living Color. Quite frankly, the mood sort of fits Dick, but it might give him a chance to lighten up a bit. Plus, I want to hear Dick say "Homey don't play dat!" For past folks, I'd take a handful of major religious leaders - Moses, Jesus, Muhammed, Siddhartha, Joseph Smith, Martin Luther, etc. - and dress them up as each other. Just to really confuse the faithful and try to make a point about the underlying similarties 'twixt the dogmas.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Nothing, I'm afraid. My neighborhood is almost completely kid free, so we don't get any trick or treaters. Besides, if I got a bag full of candy to give out and nobody came, I'd just end up making myself sick. I'll keep some raisins handy in case you come by, tho' (in costume, of course).
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Nope, I've not done so for years. I have enough trouble getting something together for work that doesn't make me look suspiciously demented. Anything more coordinated is just too much work!
Thanks, JDB! You rock!
Thanks, Mr. C! Come back anytime.
Cool! I'm not generally a big Halloween guy - I never liked dressing up all that much and I'm picky when it comes to candy, so I didn't really like most of the goodies I got trick or treating (to my brothers' benefit, of course!) - but I'll do my best.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I'm not sure any of them could be called "cool." The closest would probably be when I was in elementary school when I dressed up as Ace Frahley from Kiss, complete with makeup and spray painted silver guitar. The other one that I remember and think is sort of cool (which probably says bad things about me) was a judge's costume (robe, beard, gavel, etc.) that included signs hung around me neck that said "Here Comes Da' Judge" on the front and "There Goes Da' Judge" on the back.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Wow, that's a hard question. Past or present? Hmm. I'm going to cheat and give two answers. For current folks, I'd dress Dick Cheney up as Homey The Clown from In Living Color. Quite frankly, the mood sort of fits Dick, but it might give him a chance to lighten up a bit. Plus, I want to hear Dick say "Homey don't play dat!" For past folks, I'd take a handful of major religious leaders - Moses, Jesus, Muhammed, Siddhartha, Joseph Smith, Martin Luther, etc. - and dress them up as each other. Just to really confuse the faithful and try to make a point about the underlying similarties 'twixt the dogmas.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Nothing, I'm afraid. My neighborhood is almost completely kid free, so we don't get any trick or treaters. Besides, if I got a bag full of candy to give out and nobody came, I'd just end up making myself sick. I'll keep some raisins handy in case you come by, tho' (in costume, of course).
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Nope, I've not done so for years. I have enough trouble getting something together for work that doesn't make me look suspiciously demented. Anything more coordinated is just too much work!
Thanks, JDB! You rock!
Thanks, Mr. C! Come back anytime.
The Chinchilla Interviews Jackie About Halloween
Hi, Jackie! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Hey Mr. Chinchilla! I loves me some Halloween, and I, uh... like you alot too.
Let's rock.
Yeah, let's do that.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
The coolest? That's easy. My suit and tie zombie from last year. It was a gory, fun, and practical. By practical I mean it gave me a new suit to wear to funerals, weddings, and job interviews. Oddly enough I haven't been invited to any of those lately...
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Wow! No softballs this time around eh? My first thought is my wife dolled up like the Rose McGowan character in "Planet Terror"...gatling-gun leg and all. And maybe a few extra attachments like a hydraulic jack or even a reciprocating saw. You know, useful stuff.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
The usual. Any leftover Parade and Holiday candy that doesn't get eaten throughout the year gets pawned off on the trick-or-treaters at Halloween. Hey, don't judge me!
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Yes I am, but I can't tell anyone what it is yet. It's gonna be good though. I won't let you down Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, Jackie! You rock!
Right back at ya Mr. C!
Hey Mr. Chinchilla! I loves me some Halloween, and I, uh... like you alot too.
Let's rock.
Yeah, let's do that.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
The coolest? That's easy. My suit and tie zombie from last year. It was a gory, fun, and practical. By practical I mean it gave me a new suit to wear to funerals, weddings, and job interviews. Oddly enough I haven't been invited to any of those lately...
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Wow! No softballs this time around eh? My first thought is my wife dolled up like the Rose McGowan character in "Planet Terror"...gatling-gun leg and all. And maybe a few extra attachments like a hydraulic jack or even a reciprocating saw. You know, useful stuff.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
The usual. Any leftover Parade and Holiday candy that doesn't get eaten throughout the year gets pawned off on the trick-or-treaters at Halloween. Hey, don't judge me!
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Yes I am, but I can't tell anyone what it is yet. It's gonna be good though. I won't let you down Mr. Chinchilla!
Thanks, Jackie! You rock!
Right back at ya Mr. C!
The Chinchilla Interviews Rebecca of Carpe You Some Diem About Halloween
Hi, Rebecca! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Well, hey, Mr. Chinchilla! Good to hear from you.
Let's rock.
Let's rock!
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
When I worked at another school, I dressed as a different artist or
figure from a famous painting every year for Halloween. When kids
would guess who I was, I would give them candy. (Of course, by second
period, everyone had already asked their friends and so everyone got
candy, but it really doesn't matter. It's all in fun.) The last year
I worked there, I went as Frida Kahlo, a famous Mexican artist who
wore traditional Mexican clothing and was famous for exaggerating her
eyebrows in her self-portraits.
The funny thing was, I had recently had a car accident and my car was
in the shop so I was using my Father-in-law's Hooptymobile -- a 1980's
era Pontiac Parisienne. And it was a few days before Halloween. And
I ran out of gas. And I couldn't find the gas cap because it was
hidden under the license plate. So there I was, at a gas station on
the West Side, dressed as Frida Kahlo with a spider monkey around my
neck and a unibrow, and I had to find a total stranger to help me put
gas in my car. By the time I actually drove off, there was quite a
crowd.
Photo here: http://mamallama.smugmug.com/photos/1220132-S.jpg
Apparently, I looked enough like her that a few kids guessed right off
the bat, so I guess it was a good costume. :) If nothing else, it's
a funny story.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Heeheeheeeheeeee!!!! I love the magic black baseball cap! Can you buy those on Ebay?
I would love to see Jerry Falwell dressed as Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies. Just because.
(I'll answer that. You may buy them on Ebay, Rebecca, but most are knock-offs and don't include the magic. That's why I always purchase mine directly from the retailer.)
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Probably whatever's cheap. We live in a really nice subdivision
surrounded for miles and miles by un-trick-or-treatable roads, so
people bring their entire neighborhoods in by van-loads. We went
through 12 huge bags of candy in one year!!!
Of course, I'll have a stash of chocolate goodies for the really cute
little kids. :) The Reese's Cups go to those guys!
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I always dress for Halloween! This year, I will be dressing up 4
times! Once for school, once for Halloween night, then for a
Halloween party and again for my daughter's birthday party masquerade
ball.
I'm going low-key for school, because the kids are no longer allowed
to dress up for Halloween after a girl showed up as "White Trash."
(She wore a flesh-colored body suit with strategically-placed
wrappers, cans, and other "trash" items glued to it.) So for school,
I am going to take a pair of old jeans and a shirt, spray it with
different colors of spraypaint here and there, and wear a nametag that
says "Hi, My name is Banksy." (Because nobody really knows who the
artist Banksy is.)
For the parties and for Halloween night, I'm using an idea I totally
stole from a college friend. I'm going to wear a leather jacket, a
ballerina tutu, a Rolling Stones t-shirt, striped tights, fairy wings,
a tiara, a scuba mask, combat boots with flames painted all over them,
and antennae. I'm going to sprinkle fairy dust with one hand and
carry a rubber chicken in the other. When someone asks what I'm
supposed to be, I'll say "a figment of your imagination." Then,
later, when people say "Oh, man, that was an awesome party last
night!!!" I'm going to say, "What party?"
Thanks, Rebecca! You rock!
You do, too, Mr. "C"! Have a great Halloween! I hope you get lots of rum-soaked raisins!
Well, hey, Mr. Chinchilla! Good to hear from you.
Let's rock.
Let's rock!
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
When I worked at another school, I dressed as a different artist or
figure from a famous painting every year for Halloween. When kids
would guess who I was, I would give them candy. (Of course, by second
period, everyone had already asked their friends and so everyone got
candy, but it really doesn't matter. It's all in fun.) The last year
I worked there, I went as Frida Kahlo, a famous Mexican artist who
wore traditional Mexican clothing and was famous for exaggerating her
eyebrows in her self-portraits.
The funny thing was, I had recently had a car accident and my car was
in the shop so I was using my Father-in-law's Hooptymobile -- a 1980's
era Pontiac Parisienne. And it was a few days before Halloween. And
I ran out of gas. And I couldn't find the gas cap because it was
hidden under the license plate. So there I was, at a gas station on
the West Side, dressed as Frida Kahlo with a spider monkey around my
neck and a unibrow, and I had to find a total stranger to help me put
gas in my car. By the time I actually drove off, there was quite a
crowd.
Photo here: http://mamallama.smugmug.com/photos/1220132-S.jpg
Apparently, I looked enough like her that a few kids guessed right off
the bat, so I guess it was a good costume. :) If nothing else, it's
a funny story.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Heeheeheeeheeeee!!!! I love the magic black baseball cap! Can you buy those on Ebay?
I would love to see Jerry Falwell dressed as Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies. Just because.
(I'll answer that. You may buy them on Ebay, Rebecca, but most are knock-offs and don't include the magic. That's why I always purchase mine directly from the retailer.)
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Probably whatever's cheap. We live in a really nice subdivision
surrounded for miles and miles by un-trick-or-treatable roads, so
people bring their entire neighborhoods in by van-loads. We went
through 12 huge bags of candy in one year!!!
Of course, I'll have a stash of chocolate goodies for the really cute
little kids. :) The Reese's Cups go to those guys!
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I always dress for Halloween! This year, I will be dressing up 4
times! Once for school, once for Halloween night, then for a
Halloween party and again for my daughter's birthday party masquerade
ball.
I'm going low-key for school, because the kids are no longer allowed
to dress up for Halloween after a girl showed up as "White Trash."
(She wore a flesh-colored body suit with strategically-placed
wrappers, cans, and other "trash" items glued to it.) So for school,
I am going to take a pair of old jeans and a shirt, spray it with
different colors of spraypaint here and there, and wear a nametag that
says "Hi, My name is Banksy." (Because nobody really knows who the
artist Banksy is.)
For the parties and for Halloween night, I'm using an idea I totally
stole from a college friend. I'm going to wear a leather jacket, a
ballerina tutu, a Rolling Stones t-shirt, striped tights, fairy wings,
a tiara, a scuba mask, combat boots with flames painted all over them,
and antennae. I'm going to sprinkle fairy dust with one hand and
carry a rubber chicken in the other. When someone asks what I'm
supposed to be, I'll say "a figment of your imagination." Then,
later, when people say "Oh, man, that was an awesome party last
night!!!" I'm going to say, "What party?"
Thanks, Rebecca! You rock!
You do, too, Mr. "C"! Have a great Halloween! I hope you get lots of rum-soaked raisins!
The Chinchilla Interviews Heather About Halloween
Hi, Heather! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
A gypsy costume comprised solely of goodwill items. I rocked that costume. Big earrings, peasant blouse and skirt, lots of makeup and GLITTER baby. Unfortunately, the glitter freaked my mom out and since there was a lice outbreak in my school a decade before I was under constant scrutiny. But I still rocked it out. Biggest Halloween haul ever.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Love the cap, dude, but can you spare some Febreze? Check your cedar chips, k? Since making the great leader of our nation wear a chimp suit would be redundant, I would have to opt for the Beatles in various stages of Elvis. I am not too picky who gets what stage, but it would make for great amusement.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Great big honking candy bars. Only the ones I like (full size for maximum diabetic coma potential). Maybe raisins (for the wee chinchilli). No apples. No little candy. Just sugary goodness in mass quantities..... yum.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I bade a fond farewell to my dressing days back in the early '90's. But my current good reason (s) are the two munchkins I am schlepping around town that night for their booty. (hehe) Besides you can't really keep up with the kids when you are wearing giant sunglasses, a rainbow wig, and platform shoes. Or can you?!
Thanks, Heather! You rock!
(but yet again, it is really you that rocks, Mr. Chinchilla!)
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
A gypsy costume comprised solely of goodwill items. I rocked that costume. Big earrings, peasant blouse and skirt, lots of makeup and GLITTER baby. Unfortunately, the glitter freaked my mom out and since there was a lice outbreak in my school a decade before I was under constant scrutiny. But I still rocked it out. Biggest Halloween haul ever.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Love the cap, dude, but can you spare some Febreze? Check your cedar chips, k? Since making the great leader of our nation wear a chimp suit would be redundant, I would have to opt for the Beatles in various stages of Elvis. I am not too picky who gets what stage, but it would make for great amusement.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Great big honking candy bars. Only the ones I like (full size for maximum diabetic coma potential). Maybe raisins (for the wee chinchilli). No apples. No little candy. Just sugary goodness in mass quantities..... yum.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I bade a fond farewell to my dressing days back in the early '90's. But my current good reason (s) are the two munchkins I am schlepping around town that night for their booty. (hehe) Besides you can't really keep up with the kids when you are wearing giant sunglasses, a rainbow wig, and platform shoes. Or can you?!
Thanks, Heather! You rock!
(but yet again, it is really you that rocks, Mr. Chinchilla!)
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews Brooke About Halloween
Hi, Brooke! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Sure, Mr. C. And help yourself to some candy corn.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
That's an easy one. When I was in Junior High School, I was a big fan of "The Gong Show" re-runs on television. And who was everyone's favorite recurring contestant? That's right: The Unknown Comic. It was the least expensive costume ever, and certainly the most fun (for me, anyway).
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
(1) Salma Hayek (2) Nurse's uniform. Holy crap, your hat works! She's donning such garb in the movie "Across the Universe." Thanks Mr. C!
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Something good – like mini Baby Ruths – so I can enjoy the leftovers.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Probably not, because I really wanna go as Chuck Norris but (A) Don't know Karate, and (B) Don't have the moustache for it. C'est la vie.
Thanks, Brooke! You rock!
Not as much as Chuck Norris, but thanks!
Sure, Mr. C. And help yourself to some candy corn.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
That's an easy one. When I was in Junior High School, I was a big fan of "The Gong Show" re-runs on television. And who was everyone's favorite recurring contestant? That's right: The Unknown Comic. It was the least expensive costume ever, and certainly the most fun (for me, anyway).
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
(1) Salma Hayek (2) Nurse's uniform. Holy crap, your hat works! She's donning such garb in the movie "Across the Universe." Thanks Mr. C!
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Something good – like mini Baby Ruths – so I can enjoy the leftovers.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Probably not, because I really wanna go as Chuck Norris but (A) Don't know Karate, and (B) Don't have the moustache for it. C'est la vie.
Thanks, Brooke! You rock!
Not as much as Chuck Norris, but thanks!
The Chinchilla Interviews Fishing Guy About Halloween
Hi, Fishing Guy! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I'd have to say a black plastic bag with black jeans and a black turtle neck. Really, you see we had ten people with nine of them dressed in white plastic bags in the shape of a set of teeth. We had a dentist chasing us trying to drill me. He had a portable electric drill. Kent, OH has a big downtown celebration.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'd have to say Darth Vader wearing a Yoda costume. He would have to watch the loud breathing.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Scooby Snacks- They are delicious.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I would have to say no. I said I didn't want the chinchilla costume and now that I've really got to know you I'm sorry about the no. I'd rather go with out a costume as punishment.
Thanks, Fishing Guy! You rock!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I'd have to say a black plastic bag with black jeans and a black turtle neck. Really, you see we had ten people with nine of them dressed in white plastic bags in the shape of a set of teeth. We had a dentist chasing us trying to drill me. He had a portable electric drill. Kent, OH has a big downtown celebration.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'd have to say Darth Vader wearing a Yoda costume. He would have to watch the loud breathing.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Scooby Snacks- They are delicious.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I would have to say no. I said I didn't want the chinchilla costume and now that I've really got to know you I'm sorry about the no. I'd rather go with out a costume as punishment.
Thanks, Fishing Guy! You rock!
The Chinchilla Interviews Spike About Halloween
Hola, Mr C!
Hi, Spike! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Great! Well, clearly it was one of John Carpenter's finer cinematic moments, with plenty of scares and... oh, wait. You mean the holiday. Heh.
Let's rock.
Yes, let's.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Picture it! Charleston's fashionably dangerous west side! Halloween 2000! (the year, not the movie) Mrs. Spike and I threw a Halloween party at our vast, palatial estate. I went dressed as Gulliver of "Gulliver's Travels" fame; torn, wet clothes, lanky hair and twenty toy soldiers glued up each arm, all pulling string across my chest. Few people got it, sadly.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Hitler as a comedy dominiatrix. Partly because it would be extremely funny to see him dressed in fishnets, high heels, yeilding a whip and a basque and also because he had the demeanor for it. You hast been ein very naughty boy, ja? Besides, men with moustaches in womens' clothing. That's just comedy right there.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Advice! "Kids, don't grow up. It sucks." Also, candy.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
No, because it's too hard to wrangle two young and becostumed kids on a dark street dressed as a giant Chinchilla. I *did* promise, after all....
Thanks, Spike! You rock!
No, no no! YOU rock.
Hi, Spike! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Great! Well, clearly it was one of John Carpenter's finer cinematic moments, with plenty of scares and... oh, wait. You mean the holiday. Heh.
Let's rock.
Yes, let's.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Picture it! Charleston's fashionably dangerous west side! Halloween 2000! (the year, not the movie) Mrs. Spike and I threw a Halloween party at our vast, palatial estate. I went dressed as Gulliver of "Gulliver's Travels" fame; torn, wet clothes, lanky hair and twenty toy soldiers glued up each arm, all pulling string across my chest. Few people got it, sadly.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Hitler as a comedy dominiatrix. Partly because it would be extremely funny to see him dressed in fishnets, high heels, yeilding a whip and a basque and also because he had the demeanor for it. You hast been ein very naughty boy, ja? Besides, men with moustaches in womens' clothing. That's just comedy right there.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
Advice! "Kids, don't grow up. It sucks." Also, candy.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
No, because it's too hard to wrangle two young and becostumed kids on a dark street dressed as a giant Chinchilla. I *did* promise, after all....
Thanks, Spike! You rock!
No, no no! YOU rock.
The Chinchilla Interviews Euterpe About Halloween
Hi, Euterpe! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Ooohhhh spooky, baby!
Let's rock.
We salute you!
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Nothing. No, I mean it. Absolutely not a stitch.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
My little friend, I can't resist this opportunity. I would choose Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran. And, he would be dressed like a Hoggette!
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
To the children or adults? (smile)
I have Reese's Cups for the children.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I will be dressing and undressing for Halloween! The public costume is a bonny pirate. The other is all me!
Thanks, Euterpe! You rock!
Anytime you cutie! Come here, let me scratch your chin. See, isn't that nice. Hey, I got raisins!
Ooohhhh spooky, baby!
Let's rock.
We salute you!
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Nothing. No, I mean it. Absolutely not a stitch.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
My little friend, I can't resist this opportunity. I would choose Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran. And, he would be dressed like a Hoggette!
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
To the children or adults? (smile)
I have Reese's Cups for the children.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
I will be dressing and undressing for Halloween! The public costume is a bonny pirate. The other is all me!
Thanks, Euterpe! You rock!
Anytime you cutie! Come here, let me scratch your chin. See, isn't that nice. Hey, I got raisins!
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews jedi jawa About Halloween
Hi, jedi! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
As you can see it is a grim reaper mask and I have it attached via latex and have my eyes and teeth blacked out as well for effect. I also used it in a sketch at my high school where I pulled someone out of class every 40 minutes the week of Prom to illustrate drunk driving deaths. I would pick a victim (from a pre-selected list) and they would be done up in whiteface by our theater dept. and returned to class unable to talk or participate for the rest of the day.
Yay! I was hoping to do another interview with you!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Hmmm... my first inkling is to say when I took the beard that I had used to be Abraham Lincoln in a school play and put on some military type fatigues (from when I used to run around the neighborhood playing with toy guns) and declared that I was Fidel Castro (who I had seen in the news and knew nothing about). Oh, and this was when I was in about 4th or 5th grade. Beyond that I'd say that the coolest costume I've worn would be this one which I made during my high school theater days and used to use to pass out Halloween candy at my parents house:
As you can see it is a grim reaper mask and I have it attached via latex and have my eyes and teeth blacked out as well for effect. I also used it in a sketch at my high school where I pulled someone out of class every 40 minutes the week of Prom to illustrate drunk driving deaths. I would pick a victim (from a pre-selected list) and they would be done up in whiteface by our theater dept. and returned to class unable to talk or participate for the rest of the day.2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Jennifer Garner. Does she actually have to wear anything? Okay ... then that sexy red leather outfit from Elektra.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
I don't know. My favorite Halloween candy is candy corn because it's candy ... and it looks like corn. But I suppose I'll pass out something from one of those variety packs. Maybe I'll throw in some of my anti-Bush "no w" buttons that I still have a bunch of laying around.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Well, I suppose so. I have a navy sweatshirt that says "College" on it like Bluto wore in "Animal House" that I was thinking of wearing. Does that count? As for reasons not to wear a costume ... well if I can't wear a giant chinchilla suit then what's the point?
Thanks, jedi! You rock!
Thanks Mr. C. It's always a pleasure!
The Chinchilla Interviews Jenny of Hobson's Choice About Halloween
Hi, Jenny! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
The first year we lived in West Virginia, Chris went as Collis P. Huntington and I was the Spirit of the Ohio River. I hotglued flotsam and jetsam and garbage to a blue silk dress I found at Goodwill, and I wore one of my daughter's play tiaras. Chris wore a genuine Navy jacket I found at Goodwill and a Gandalf beard.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'm trying to think what would be the most humiliating costume for Dick Cheney to wear. Clown? Jesus? Mime?
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
So far, I have acquired a giant cheap bag of dum-dums. I'm hoping to make it out of the house to get cool candy, but I have a reluctant car passenger who screams the entire time. The dum-dums are my back-up if I can't quite face the screaming drive.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Well, no, I'm not dressing. I'm dressing two children, and that sorts of shoots my Halloween chi when I'm only getting a couple of hours of sleep at night. I will be escorting a cowgirl and a tiny chili pepper around the neighborhood (thanks to Chinchilla related hand-me-downs). And now the chili pepper is crying, and I must get him.
Thanks, Jenny! You rock!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
The first year we lived in West Virginia, Chris went as Collis P. Huntington and I was the Spirit of the Ohio River. I hotglued flotsam and jetsam and garbage to a blue silk dress I found at Goodwill, and I wore one of my daughter's play tiaras. Chris wore a genuine Navy jacket I found at Goodwill and a Gandalf beard.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'm trying to think what would be the most humiliating costume for Dick Cheney to wear. Clown? Jesus? Mime?
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
So far, I have acquired a giant cheap bag of dum-dums. I'm hoping to make it out of the house to get cool candy, but I have a reluctant car passenger who screams the entire time. The dum-dums are my back-up if I can't quite face the screaming drive.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Well, no, I'm not dressing. I'm dressing two children, and that sorts of shoots my Halloween chi when I'm only getting a couple of hours of sleep at night. I will be escorting a cowgirl and a tiny chili pepper around the neighborhood (thanks to Chinchilla related hand-me-downs). And now the chili pepper is crying, and I must get him.
Thanks, Jenny! You rock!
The Chinchilla Interviews Rebecca of J and C and Me About Halloween
Hi, Rebecca! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Woohoo! So happy to hear from you again Mr. C! My interviews with you always make me feeling like a quasi-celebrity. I spend the rest of the week in my monster shades chasing off the paparazzi (really my kids, but hey, they've got to play a part in my little ego trip too) instead of my usual boring routine!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Umm, probably the enormous green M&M costume I made when I was in the 6th grade. We never had much money, especially the kind of money to throw around on halloween costumes. So I made the whole thing by myself out of cardboard boxes and green paint. I won the "Most Creative" category in my school competition and was really proud. Unfortunately, cardboard is really hot. I learned to sew for future costumes.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Hmm. I think it might be fun to see Ann Coulter dress up as Brittany Spears. I think we need to put her on drugs now so that the whole costume will be authentic by the time Halloween rolls around.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We don't give out treats during the door to door treating, only because we are all out taking the kids door to door. But I am making some very fancy cupcakes for my school-kid's class. I also make the chocolate peanut butter pumpkins for friends and family (they are like the big chocolate easter eggs filled with pb....only pumpkins).
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Of course I'm dressing up. I'm being a piggy. One of the Three Little Piggies in fact. My youngest has a piggy fixation, so her dad (Chris[at]wvsoundman.wvblogger.com) is also being piggies to complete the trio.
Thanks, Rebecca! You rock!
Thanks for contacting me about this! Anytime, really!
Woohoo! So happy to hear from you again Mr. C! My interviews with you always make me feeling like a quasi-celebrity. I spend the rest of the week in my monster shades chasing off the paparazzi (really my kids, but hey, they've got to play a part in my little ego trip too) instead of my usual boring routine!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Umm, probably the enormous green M&M costume I made when I was in the 6th grade. We never had much money, especially the kind of money to throw around on halloween costumes. So I made the whole thing by myself out of cardboard boxes and green paint. I won the "Most Creative" category in my school competition and was really proud. Unfortunately, cardboard is really hot. I learned to sew for future costumes.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
Hmm. I think it might be fun to see Ann Coulter dress up as Brittany Spears. I think we need to put her on drugs now so that the whole costume will be authentic by the time Halloween rolls around.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We don't give out treats during the door to door treating, only because we are all out taking the kids door to door. But I am making some very fancy cupcakes for my school-kid's class. I also make the chocolate peanut butter pumpkins for friends and family (they are like the big chocolate easter eggs filled with pb....only pumpkins).
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Of course I'm dressing up. I'm being a piggy. One of the Three Little Piggies in fact. My youngest has a piggy fixation, so her dad (Chris[at]wvsoundman.wvblogger.com) is also being piggies to complete the trio.
Thanks, Rebecca! You rock!
Thanks for contacting me about this! Anytime, really!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Mr. Chinchilla's Friendly Reminder
Hi, everyone! I'm back from my holiday in Nashville. Other than getting kicked out of my hotel room for making too much noise, I had a really swell time. Most people enjoy Nashville's music, but, truth told, that city has the best raisins I've ever sampled.
I wanted to let everyone know that if you've previously interviewed with me (see blogroll to your right--or left if you're using a mirror and reading this backwards) that you should have received four (4) Halloween questions from me. Unless I hear otherwise, I'll post everyone's responses in the order I receive them. And, man, they all rock!
Of course, feel free to send me an e-mail if you want to interview with me or if you just want to let me know that you have absolutely no frickin' clue what the deal is with my blog.
I wanted to let everyone know that if you've previously interviewed with me (see blogroll to your right--or left if you're using a mirror and reading this backwards) that you should have received four (4) Halloween questions from me. Unless I hear otherwise, I'll post everyone's responses in the order I receive them. And, man, they all rock!
Of course, feel free to send me an e-mail if you want to interview with me or if you just want to let me know that you have absolutely no frickin' clue what the deal is with my blog.
The Chinchilla Interviews RedZeppelin About Halloween
Hi, RedZeppelin! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Without a doubt, Peter Criss of KISS. It was no cheesy plastic mask either -- I did the full makeup job myself. Rock and roll.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume,and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I think I'd like Jessica Alba dressed as Wonder Woman. A very naughty Wonder Woman. Oh, sorry. Where were we?
I dunno. Did I mention you rock?
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We haven't decided yet. Probably a small candy bar assortment -- Baby Ruth, Snickers, etc.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Probably not, because I have no good costume ideas and I'm not really in the mood to come up with one.
Thanks, RedZeppelin! You rock!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
Without a doubt, Peter Criss of KISS. It was no cheesy plastic mask either -- I did the full makeup job myself. Rock and roll.
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume,and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I think I'd like Jessica Alba dressed as Wonder Woman. A very naughty Wonder Woman. Oh, sorry. Where were we?
I dunno. Did I mention you rock?
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
We haven't decided yet. Probably a small candy bar assortment -- Baby Ruth, Snickers, etc.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good, valid reason why you're not.
Probably not, because I have no good costume ideas and I'm not really in the mood to come up with one.
Thanks, RedZeppelin! You rock!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Chinchilla Interviews Film Geek About Halloween
Hi, Film Geek! I thought I'd ask you a few questions about Halloween.
Hey, Mr. Chinchilla! It's good to see you again. Hearing your voice helps me know a talking, intellectual chinchilla can and does exist, and is not simply a flashback from back in the day. (The brown acid had some serious side-effects, you know.) I love all-things-Halloween, so let's get it on!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I once wore a pirate costume, purchased at The Lion's Den, that was a lot of fun and quite successful in helping me obtain some Halloween goodies. That swashbuckler get-up, though, wasn't worn outside the house, so I probably shouldn't count it. My favorite public costume was The Scarecrow, from the Wizard Of Oz. My family went in theme as Oz characters, and I drew the Scarecrow straw so to speak. It was loads of fun. I danced in wobbly fashion, and talked all night in my dumb guy voice. (Which, by the way, is fairly similar to my regular voice.)
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'm going with the first thought that popped into my head: I'd like to see President George Bush dressed as a little Swiss girl. I'm not sure why that's funny to me, but it is. Most people don't know this, but the President has some pretty nice gams, and his approval ratings might rise if he was seen more often in a Swiss Miss skirt.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
I have a long-standing tradition of making kids trade-down for candy they get from me. I start with cheap, crappy candy. Kids come, and I swap out candy with them. For example, I'll suggest to a kid he should trade me his Snickers bar for a three pieces of Bazooka bubble gum. And it almost always works! By the end of the night I still have a large collection of goodies, and it's of better quality than I started off with. It's really a win-win for everyone: the kids never notice, they get so much candy from my neighbors they never miss the good stuff I took.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good valid reason why you're not.
I am. Plans for Halloween begin here around August, when the family theme is decided upon and the costume hunt begins. The Film Geek family goes in theme every year, and it really is lots of fun. I may have even more fun than my kids do! Here's wishing you a ghoulishly good Halloween night, my furry and soft friend.
Thanks, Film Geek! You rock!
Hey, Mr. Chinchilla! It's good to see you again. Hearing your voice helps me know a talking, intellectual chinchilla can and does exist, and is not simply a flashback from back in the day. (The brown acid had some serious side-effects, you know.) I love all-things-Halloween, so let's get it on!
Let's rock.
1. What's the coolest Halloween costume you've ever worn?
I once wore a pirate costume, purchased at The Lion's Den, that was a lot of fun and quite successful in helping me obtain some Halloween goodies. That swashbuckler get-up, though, wasn't worn outside the house, so I probably shouldn't count it. My favorite public costume was The Scarecrow, from the Wizard Of Oz. My family went in theme as Oz characters, and I drew the Scarecrow straw so to speak. It was loads of fun. I danced in wobbly fashion, and talked all night in my dumb guy voice. (Which, by the way, is fairly similar to my regular voice.)
2. I'm giving you my magic black baseball cap. You can now require anyone in the world (past or present) to wear a Halloween costume. Who's wearing the costume, and, because I love two-part questions, what's the costume?
I'm going with the first thought that popped into my head: I'd like to see President George Bush dressed as a little Swiss girl. I'm not sure why that's funny to me, but it is. Most people don't know this, but the President has some pretty nice gams, and his approval ratings might rise if he was seen more often in a Swiss Miss skirt.
3. What treats are you giving out this year?
I have a long-standing tradition of making kids trade-down for candy they get from me. I start with cheap, crappy candy. Kids come, and I swap out candy with them. For example, I'll suggest to a kid he should trade me his Snickers bar for a three pieces of Bazooka bubble gum. And it almost always works! By the end of the night I still have a large collection of goodies, and it's of better quality than I started off with. It's really a win-win for everyone: the kids never notice, they get so much candy from my neighbors they never miss the good stuff I took.
4. Are you dressing for Halloween this year? If not, give me one good valid reason why you're not.
I am. Plans for Halloween begin here around August, when the family theme is decided upon and the costume hunt begins. The Film Geek family goes in theme every year, and it really is lots of fun. I may have even more fun than my kids do! Here's wishing you a ghoulishly good Halloween night, my furry and soft friend.
Thanks, Film Geek! You rock!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Bite Back With the Chinchilla
I have a bone to pick with the animal rights activists. It's not that I don't appreciate their efforts to protect me. I mean, I'm glad when they stop people from trading chinchilla furs and imprisoning innocent chinchillas. That's all fine and dandy. But why is it that I never hear about animal rights activists lobbying our Congress to establish civil rights for chinchillas?
I'm hoping that it will prove more successful than that "Rock the Vote" thing was in 2004. But the cynic in me tells me that I'm squeaking up the wrong tree.
Take chinchilla suffrage. If you type "chinchilla suffrage" into Yahoo! or Google, you won't retrieve a single result. "Dog suffrage" retrieves seven results on Google, "cat suffrage" gets you 23 results on Yahoo!, and even "rat suffrage" has a few matching documents on both major search engines. Why anyone would want to establish civil rights for rats but not chinchillas makes absolutely no sense to me.
But see, I keep apprised of developments in American politics. I watch Hillary and Rudy and Barack and Fred. I read The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Limbaugh Letter and Rolling Stone. And, of course, I faithfully watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly on Fox. So I obviously know everything there is to know about all the candidates, and if I had the opportunity to exercise my chinchilla vote, it would be well-informed and supported--not that it matters a bit that any one's vote must be one or both, but I'm just sayin'.
I'm perplexed that animal rights activists have never sought to secure chinchillas the right to vote. These animal rights activists have accomplished many great things securing my freedom. I don't see, however, how they could have missed fighting for my fundamental right to chinchilla suffrage.
In the hopes that it might spur someone into action, I've created something designed to promote awareness of chinchilla suffrage. I call it my "Bite the Ballot" campaign:
I'm hoping that it will prove more successful than that "Rock the Vote" thing was in 2004. But the cynic in me tells me that I'm squeaking up the wrong tree.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Things That Would Improve With Mr. Chinchilla
1. Wheel of Fortune. I get so tired of watching Pat Sajak and Vanna White engage in the same idle chit chat every day. Sure, the show increased its prize money, but after twenty years, the American public's ready for something different. And that something different is Mr. Chinchilla hosting and turning the letters on Wheel.
2. Garfield. We all know that Jim Davis can use a new idea. The weariness you're seeing Jon Arbuckle and Garfield experience today is truly symbolic of the same weariness of this "comic" strip. But I will fix that. I'm going to write to Mr. Davis. I'm going to suggest that he introduce me as a recurring character in the strip. I figure that I can team up with Garfield and taunt Odie. When the chinchilla's finished with Odie, he'll be wishing Garfield were the one haunting him. I also have designs on Jon's girlfriend, Liz. Heh heh heh.
3. The CBS Evening News. Katie Couric is wonderful. She really is. But she would be much more wonderful with a chinchilla perched on her right shoulder on every newscast.
4. French fries. It's a proven scientific fact that having a chinchilla present at your table improves the taste of your food. That's what I always tell someone before I start eating their fries.
5. Grammar. I'm a freak about good grammar. Most folks refuse to allow me to edit their writing because of their strong prejudices against chinchillas. Please give me a chance. I promise I won't charge you more than a few dollars an hour.
2. Garfield. We all know that Jim Davis can use a new idea. The weariness you're seeing Jon Arbuckle and Garfield experience today is truly symbolic of the same weariness of this "comic" strip. But I will fix that. I'm going to write to Mr. Davis. I'm going to suggest that he introduce me as a recurring character in the strip. I figure that I can team up with Garfield and taunt Odie. When the chinchilla's finished with Odie, he'll be wishing Garfield were the one haunting him. I also have designs on Jon's girlfriend, Liz. Heh heh heh.
3. The CBS Evening News. Katie Couric is wonderful. She really is. But she would be much more wonderful with a chinchilla perched on her right shoulder on every newscast.
4. French fries. It's a proven scientific fact that having a chinchilla present at your table improves the taste of your food. That's what I always tell someone before I start eating their fries.
5. Grammar. I'm a freak about good grammar. Most folks refuse to allow me to edit their writing because of their strong prejudices against chinchillas. Please give me a chance. I promise I won't charge you more than a few dollars an hour.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Crystal Gayle Rocks My Li'l Chinchilla World
I love to shop. I especially love shopping for groceries at the supermarket. Every time I visit the supermarket, I experience something different. Sometimes, it's even exciting and new, just like on The Love Boat.
Today, while I was pushing my miniature grocery buggy down the aisle with the frozen foods, I heard a man belting out some Crystal Gayle:
Tell me no secrets, tell me some lies
Give me no reasons, give me alibis
Tell me you love me and don't make me cry
Say anything but don't say goodbye
And, dude, was this guy ever off key, too! But the thing was, he had infused more heart into his rendition than anything you'll hear on current "top forty" radio these days, and, before I knew it, I was singing out loud with him:
And don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes blue
I don't think anyone heard me, though. It's a shame because I can carry a pretty decent tune for a chinchilla.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Confessions of a Dangerous Chinchilla
Remember I mentioned I'm an aspiring novelist? Guess what--I'm not having much success. I gave a copy of my first manuscript to my agent a few weeks ago. He called me. He says my book needs "serious editing and rewrites" before he will consider shopping it around to any publishers.
"You even read it?" I question my agent over the phone.
"You even read it?" I question my agent over the phone.
"Yeah." His tone more than hints at his exasperation.
"Kinda quick to finish it in under a week," I respond, "doncha think?"
"No," he deadpans, "No, not at all."
"Didn't the video deposition part and ending rock?"
"Did you hear me? I said, 'Didn't the video deposition part and ending rock?'"
"Hello?" The silence between us grows more awkward.
"HELLO?!?" More silence.
After ten seconds, my agent finally bellows "YOU'VE TOTALLY PLAGIARIZED MICHAEL CLAYTON!" into my right chinchilla eardrum. And if it weren't broken by his scream, I'm suspecting it's most likely impaired after he slams down the phone's receiver.
What a giant crock of crap. I worked my tail off to finish this book in time before Halloween so that they could print and publish hundreds of thousands of copies in time for everyone's shopping on Black Friday. I even hired a photographer to take my picture for my book's jacket:
But I'm not going to let this bother me. To borrow words from the amazing band Cracker, "I'm feelin' thankful for the small things, today." And I think that means it's time to start another interview very soon.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Ask the Chinchilla
Today's question arrives courtesy of an inquisitive Google user from Ossining, New York:
How to make a chinchilla experiment?
Wow. This is an oldie but a goodie. The answer's easy. Here's what you'll need:
Essentials:
8 test tubes
1 high-power microscope (400X preferably)
3-4 measuring cups
5 strips of magnesium
29 light bulbs
Incredibly tiny pair of safety glasses
Knowledge of Avogadro's number (recommended only)
Current periodic table
1 chinchilla
1 person with the ability to make good on her/his threat
Instructions:
Take the microscope, test tubes, magnesium stips, light bulbs, and measuring cups and set them on a clear table in an open area. Place the periodic table on a wall where it is visible from the table. Fit the tiny safety glasses on the chinchilla and station him (her) in front of the microscope. Now find the person with the ability to make good on his or her threat, and have this person tell the chinchilla that s/he's going to be made into mincemeat if s/he doesn't experiment.
Never fails. Trust me.
How to make a chinchilla experiment?
Wow. This is an oldie but a goodie. The answer's easy. Here's what you'll need:
Essentials:
8 test tubes
1 high-power microscope (400X preferably)
3-4 measuring cups
5 strips of magnesium
29 light bulbs
Incredibly tiny pair of safety glasses
Knowledge of Avogadro's number (recommended only)
Current periodic table
1 chinchilla
1 person with the ability to make good on her/his threat
Instructions:
Take the microscope, test tubes, magnesium stips, light bulbs, and measuring cups and set them on a clear table in an open area. Place the periodic table on a wall where it is visible from the table. Fit the tiny safety glasses on the chinchilla and station him (her) in front of the microscope. Now find the person with the ability to make good on his or her threat, and have this person tell the chinchilla that s/he's going to be made into mincemeat if s/he doesn't experiment.
Never fails. Trust me.
CHINCHILLA ALERT! *WARNING* CHINCHILLA ALERT!
A "Don Sphinx" cat wearing a blue-knitted cap (pictured at left) has been spotted at various pet expos. If you receive an e-mail from the Don Sphinx cat about "interviewing with the chinchilla," do not reply, I repeat, do NOT reply, to his e-mail. He is an impostor.The Don Sphinx cat is also an arch nemesis of Mr. Chinchilla, and his blue-knitted cap does not allow him any magical or special powers.
Thank you for your attention to this most serious matter.
(And thanks to REUTERS/Ints Kalnins (LATVIA) for photo.)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
A Chinchilla Walks Into A Bar. . . .
I'm drinking some tequila at one of my favorite bars, "The Second Base." (It's the next-to-last stop before home.) As I'm about to order another shot, this drunk sidles up to me at the bar and starts giving me some crap:
"Hey, fella," he slurs, "FELLA. I'm talkin' to you."
"Me?" I reply.
"Yeh. You. I bet you think. . . " he rasps as he takes out his index finger and moves it toward my solar plexus, ". . . I betcha ya think you're something special."
Then he jabs his finger into my belly. Hard.
"Dude," I yell, "I don't know what your problem is, but you'd best leave me alone."
"Oh." His eyes are now wider.
"Oh. Yeah." I shoot back.
"Hey, Mr. C., do you need any help?" says the bartender.
"Don't worry 'bout it, Owen," I reply, "I got this covered."
Then I bite the drunkard right below his knuckles on his left hand. Hard.
"AAAAAaaaaaaaaaahh," cries the drunkard as he leaves the bar.
Owen hands me a fresh shot of tequila. I pour the salt on my right paw and drain the glass.
"Ten minutes," I tell Owen. He doesn't look up at me, though, and continues to dry the beer glasses.
Sure enough, about twelve minutes later, the drunkard appears. This time, he's carrying an aluminum baseball bat and two guys--each dressed in matching Van Halen t-shirts (when Sammy Hagar was with the band)--flank him.
"WHERE'S THE CHINCHILLA?" the drunkard yells.
I don't look up, place my empty shot glass back on the bar, and answer:
"You mean the chinchilla who wears the backwards black baseball cap?"
"Yeah. That's him."
"Haven't seen him in weeks," I say.
"Well," answers the drunkard, "You let him know Frank and the boys want to play some ball with him, ok?"
"Sure." I reply.
Then the three guys leave.
And that's when I tell Owen to hand me back my black baseball cap from under the bar.
"Hey, fella," he slurs, "FELLA. I'm talkin' to you."
"Me?" I reply.
"Yeh. You. I bet you think. . . " he rasps as he takes out his index finger and moves it toward my solar plexus, ". . . I betcha ya think you're something special."
Then he jabs his finger into my belly. Hard.
"Dude," I yell, "I don't know what your problem is, but you'd best leave me alone."
"Oh." His eyes are now wider.
"Oh. Yeah." I shoot back.
"Hey, Mr. C., do you need any help?" says the bartender.
"Don't worry 'bout it, Owen," I reply, "I got this covered."
Then I bite the drunkard right below his knuckles on his left hand. Hard.
"AAAAAaaaaaaaaaahh," cries the drunkard as he leaves the bar.
Owen hands me a fresh shot of tequila. I pour the salt on my right paw and drain the glass.
"Ten minutes," I tell Owen. He doesn't look up at me, though, and continues to dry the beer glasses.
Sure enough, about twelve minutes later, the drunkard appears. This time, he's carrying an aluminum baseball bat and two guys--each dressed in matching Van Halen t-shirts (when Sammy Hagar was with the band)--flank him.
"WHERE'S THE CHINCHILLA?" the drunkard yells.
I don't look up, place my empty shot glass back on the bar, and answer:
"You mean the chinchilla who wears the backwards black baseball cap?"
"Yeah. That's him."
"Haven't seen him in weeks," I say.
"Well," answers the drunkard, "You let him know Frank and the boys want to play some ball with him, ok?"
"Sure." I reply.
Then the three guys leave.
And that's when I tell Owen to hand me back my black baseball cap from under the bar.
Monday, October 8, 2007
An Inconvenient Chinchilla
Hey, folks, guess what happens when you lose federal subsidies for rodent mitigation programs?
Don't blame me. Since my release from captivity, I've worked tirelessly to promote a healthier world for chinchillas and people. And by "tirelessly," that means I constantly wash my paws, burrow and raisins every chance I get.
After all, we're all in this ecosystem together, baby.
Don't blame me. Since my release from captivity, I've worked tirelessly to promote a healthier world for chinchillas and people. And by "tirelessly," that means I constantly wash my paws, burrow and raisins every chance I get.
After all, we're all in this ecosystem together, baby.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Mr. Chinchilla's Halloween Rules
I think most of these rules are pretty self-explanatory. Still, I thought I'd make myself clear once and for all on how it's gonna work when I ring your doorbell on Halloween.
1. No nougats. Coconut's fine. Almonds work, too. I even love taffy and hard candy that breaks the teeth. But spare me the nougats. Please. I'm asking you nicely.
2. Don't make small talk. I'm not visiting your home to hear your diatribe on how evil you think Halloween is. I don't want to listen to your politics or your views on Iraq. And don't even think about engaging me in conversation by asking me "Oooh. . . what do we have here? A little boy dressed in a rat costume?" If there's one thing I despise more than someone patronizing me, it's someone patronizing me on Halloween. Just smile at me and hand me the treats.
3. Provide fresh candy. I shouldn't even have to tell you folks this. Look, if it's something you wouldn't consume yourself, then for heaven's sake, don't give it out to the chinchilla. I'm susceptible to food poisoning like you--probably more so. Is it too much for me to expect a one ounce piece of candy that doesn't have mold on it?
4. Cash is still king! Mr. Chinchilla realizes that in our chinchilla-eat-chinchilla world that not everyone has the time or energy to buy loads of Halloween candy to dispense. That's why he happily accepts cash in lieu of candy when somebody's out of the caramels. And nothing gets me more giddy than the sweet smell of a new twenty dollar bill in my orange, plastic pumpkin, baby!
5. If your lights are on, answer the doorbell. Every year, there's some idiot who has the chutzpah to leave all the lights on in the house on Halloween without ever answering the door. Sometimes, you can even see the silhouettes of these jerks eating their candy and watching crappy re-makes of horror flicks. Well, pal, I think it's frickin' cruel and unusual punishment to leave your home's lights on without any intention of handing out treats. And you know what else? I think 99% of all rational people in this dimension agree with me. SO TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS IF YOU'RE NOT PLAYING THE HALLOWEEN GAME THIS YEAR!
6. Don't step on me. I'm willing to make an exception, of course, if someone leaves a burning pile of dog poop on your step right as I'm approaching your door.
7. You can't go wrong with raisins. But also remember Rule #4, too.
8. Don't stiff me, pal! Is it me or does everyone seem to dole out smaller portions of candy with each passing Halloween? I remember visiting a couple dozen homes and returning with so much candy that it would take a couple months for a family of four to eat it all. Now, I can visit a over a hundred houses and be lucky to have enough candy to consume over an entire viewing of one of the Lord of the Rings films. Nobody ever gives you a regular-size candy bar anymore. And finding a Reese cup in my plastic pumpkin on Halloween is almost as rare as finding a four-leaf clover these days. If you can't afford to splurge on the bigger candy bars, can you at least find it in your heart to give me more than one piece of the smaller candy? After all, I'm a chinchilla wearing a magic black baseball cap backwards.
1. No nougats. Coconut's fine. Almonds work, too. I even love taffy and hard candy that breaks the teeth. But spare me the nougats. Please. I'm asking you nicely.
2. Don't make small talk. I'm not visiting your home to hear your diatribe on how evil you think Halloween is. I don't want to listen to your politics or your views on Iraq. And don't even think about engaging me in conversation by asking me "Oooh. . . what do we have here? A little boy dressed in a rat costume?" If there's one thing I despise more than someone patronizing me, it's someone patronizing me on Halloween. Just smile at me and hand me the treats.
3. Provide fresh candy. I shouldn't even have to tell you folks this. Look, if it's something you wouldn't consume yourself, then for heaven's sake, don't give it out to the chinchilla. I'm susceptible to food poisoning like you--probably more so. Is it too much for me to expect a one ounce piece of candy that doesn't have mold on it?
4. Cash is still king! Mr. Chinchilla realizes that in our chinchilla-eat-chinchilla world that not everyone has the time or energy to buy loads of Halloween candy to dispense. That's why he happily accepts cash in lieu of candy when somebody's out of the caramels. And nothing gets me more giddy than the sweet smell of a new twenty dollar bill in my orange, plastic pumpkin, baby!
5. If your lights are on, answer the doorbell. Every year, there's some idiot who has the chutzpah to leave all the lights on in the house on Halloween without ever answering the door. Sometimes, you can even see the silhouettes of these jerks eating their candy and watching crappy re-makes of horror flicks. Well, pal, I think it's frickin' cruel and unusual punishment to leave your home's lights on without any intention of handing out treats. And you know what else? I think 99% of all rational people in this dimension agree with me. SO TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS IF YOU'RE NOT PLAYING THE HALLOWEEN GAME THIS YEAR!
6. Don't step on me. I'm willing to make an exception, of course, if someone leaves a burning pile of dog poop on your step right as I'm approaching your door.
7. You can't go wrong with raisins. But also remember Rule #4, too.
8. Don't stiff me, pal! Is it me or does everyone seem to dole out smaller portions of candy with each passing Halloween? I remember visiting a couple dozen homes and returning with so much candy that it would take a couple months for a family of four to eat it all. Now, I can visit a over a hundred houses and be lucky to have enough candy to consume over an entire viewing of one of the Lord of the Rings films. Nobody ever gives you a regular-size candy bar anymore. And finding a Reese cup in my plastic pumpkin on Halloween is almost as rare as finding a four-leaf clover these days. If you can't afford to splurge on the bigger candy bars, can you at least find it in your heart to give me more than one piece of the smaller candy? After all, I'm a chinchilla wearing a magic black baseball cap backwards.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Will The Real Slim Chinchilla Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Sometimes, when I'm bored, which is probably about 90% of the time, I like to google my name and see what results I get. Usually, it's the same thing, but because I'm somewhat obsessive-compulsive, I keep doing my vanity google searches.
Well, the other day, when I did a google search, I discovered some very interesting videos depicting a "Mr. Chinchilla." I'm not going to go into details about what these videos depict. Suffice it to say that it involved incredibly compromising positions and conduct involving a "Mr. Chinchilla."
I was mortified.
First, let me state for the record that I have not made, nor have I authorized any videos depicting me or my likeness by anyone.
Second, the "Mr. Chinchilla" in these videos is not me. I think that's pretty obvious from the videos from the noticeable absence of my magic baseball cap and the clear manipulation of my body by an unidentified human.
And, third, I would love to interview the person(s) responsible for these videos. You rock!
Well, the other day, when I did a google search, I discovered some very interesting videos depicting a "Mr. Chinchilla." I'm not going to go into details about what these videos depict. Suffice it to say that it involved incredibly compromising positions and conduct involving a "Mr. Chinchilla."
I was mortified.
First, let me state for the record that I have not made, nor have I authorized any videos depicting me or my likeness by anyone.
Second, the "Mr. Chinchilla" in these videos is not me. I think that's pretty obvious from the videos from the noticeable absence of my magic baseball cap and the clear manipulation of my body by an unidentified human.
And, third, I would love to interview the person(s) responsible for these videos. You rock!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Mr. Chinchilla's Tee-Vee Idea
"The Bionic Chinchilla"
The sequence opens revealing an ordinary chinchilla running in a shiny, green hamster wheel. The camera closes in on the chinchilla's rapidly moving paws and legs as they move over the wheel's rungs. As the chinchilla increases his speed, the hamster wheel displays a noticeable wobble. The camera pans back to reveal a now unfastened and out-of-control green hamster wheel launching the tiny chinchilla out of his cage and onto his back on a dirty linoleum floor.
Pan to: A chinchilla on an operating table surrounded by several people wearing surgical masks and scrubs. As the surgery on the chinchilla's hind legs begins, a voice over intones:
Mr. Chinchilla: Interviewer.
A chinchilla barely alive.
We can retrain him.
We have the magic black baseball cap.
We can make him chattier than he was.
Chattier.
Speedier.
Sexier.
Cue the "Bionic Chinchilla" theme music over a scene that displays the retrained, rebuilt "Mr. Chinchilla" wearing an "I'm with Stupid T-Shirt" and typing questions for bloggers on his miniature computer. Several raisins and open bottles of tequila line the desk on which the chinchilla types.
That's when they stopped me.
Too weird, the folks in the grey flannel suits said. And how can you have a "bionic chinchilla" without opposable thumbs? They couldn't understand that. A bionic chinchilla would surely have opposable thumbs to allow his bionic paws to type with super chinchilla speed and power.
Ok, then, I'm not too keen on this fall's new tee-vee series, either.
Well, except for this one with the guy who bakes pies and raises the dead so that he can help solve crimes. That looks really promising.
The sequence opens revealing an ordinary chinchilla running in a shiny, green hamster wheel. The camera closes in on the chinchilla's rapidly moving paws and legs as they move over the wheel's rungs. As the chinchilla increases his speed, the hamster wheel displays a noticeable wobble. The camera pans back to reveal a now unfastened and out-of-control green hamster wheel launching the tiny chinchilla out of his cage and onto his back on a dirty linoleum floor.
Pan to: A chinchilla on an operating table surrounded by several people wearing surgical masks and scrubs. As the surgery on the chinchilla's hind legs begins, a voice over intones:
Mr. Chinchilla: Interviewer.
A chinchilla barely alive.
We can retrain him.
We have the magic black baseball cap.
We can make him chattier than he was.
Chattier.
Speedier.
Sexier.
Cue the "Bionic Chinchilla" theme music over a scene that displays the retrained, rebuilt "Mr. Chinchilla" wearing an "I'm with Stupid T-Shirt" and typing questions for bloggers on his miniature computer. Several raisins and open bottles of tequila line the desk on which the chinchilla types.
That's when they stopped me.
Too weird, the folks in the grey flannel suits said. And how can you have a "bionic chinchilla" without opposable thumbs? They couldn't understand that. A bionic chinchilla would surely have opposable thumbs to allow his bionic paws to type with super chinchilla speed and power.
Ok, then, I'm not too keen on this fall's new tee-vee series, either.
Well, except for this one with the guy who bakes pies and raises the dead so that he can help solve crimes. That looks really promising.
The Chinchilla Interviews: Fishing Guy
Welcome, Fishing Guy, to your interview with the chinchilla. I hope you'll be pleased to know that you've received my first ever "chinvitation" (thanks, Jenny of Jennyville!) following popular demand from a blogger buddy of mine!
Mr. Chinchilla,
First I like to thank you for the time. I'm really new at this so I'll try my hardest.
It's been like over a week since I've done an interview and I'm really chomping at the bit--for a chinchilla, anyway. Ok. I'm really amped.
Let's rock.
1. Now that jedi's inspired you to blog, what do you find most enjoyable about blogging, and because you know I love two-part questions (man, do I love typing that, too!), how, if at all, has the Internet changed your life?
I really enjoyed my time in the blogging world. I have had excellent responses to all I have done so that is really great. I see some changes in new friends I have met such as Shark Girl.
2. You've power-washed your deck. What's your next home improvement project?
I actually did my front porch, driveway and front sidewalks first before the deck. The deck needs stained to be complete. The garage needs a major overhaul before winter. I will use the power washer in there also.
3. It's hard to believe that Halloween's around the corner. But please don't let that influence your response now that I'm asking you would you ever wear a giant chinchilla mascot costume, and, if so, under what circumstance(s)?
Sorry, Mister Chinchilla but I doubt that it would ever happen. I guess I'm too conservative.
4. I'm stealing this one from my interview with Euterpe: The chinchilla needs some parenting advice. Can you give him some?
Be strict but fair in your decisions. Set boundaries and make sure you hold to your limits. If you set a punishment follow through. If you don't it can really backfire. We raised four great kids and have eight grandchildren. I'm into grand-parenting now and you can be a lot more lenient. You can also be more giving. You can easily give guidance and direction and they will listen, most of the time. You also get to send them home when they get tired. Parents don't have that option.
5. Time and money are no object and, thanks to my magic black baseball cap, you'll now be able to go on your dream fishing expedition. Where do you go, what do you do, and what's on your menu?
I would like to wear the magic black baseball cap and go to Alaska and catch a giant Northern Pike.
6. Let's shift gears: If you could wear clothes from one decade only, which decade would you choose and why?
I would probably wear clothes from the 1950-60 because it would remind me of youth.
7. Back to fishing: Who or what influenced your interest in fishing, and do you have any favorite "fish story" that you can share with us?
My father was the original Fishing Guy. He was truly my main influence and gave me my love of fishing. He retired at 62 and fish[ed] 5 days a week as soon as the water thawed for 22 years until cancer took him away. I really miss him and hope he is on a beautiful lake in heaven.
I did go on one dream trip to Costa Rica. we fished off a 22-foot Bertram with a fighting chair. We caught our bait which were Blue Runners as large as the fish that I keep in my local lake. We were trolling and not catching anything and I asked the captain if I could hold the rod. By working the bait erratically I caught eight Rooster Fish with the largest being 60#. While I held the fish up by the gills its tail touched the deck with its head at my chest. The captain said it was El Grandee. I will have to scan the picture and put it in the blog some day. I was so tired as we came off the Pacific the captain saw a Barracuda near shore and I was too tired to cast to try to catch it.
8. Does "the other line move faster" or is that just a bunch of baloney?
The other line moves faster unless you move into it to slow it down. I've done it a couple times and always have been disappointed.
9. Wait. I almost forgot. By special request, I'm obligated to ask: What tools could you not live without?
My computer would be my main tool. I'm a Mechanical Engineer and design and draw with it. If you are talking power tools it would be the snow blower in theb ad winters. My rotertiller is invaluable in the garden. I love my power washer.
10. And, finally, where's your favorite vacation spot?
I guess I have two. I love Las Vegas because of the shows and fun gambling. I have relatives in Florida and we always have a great time down there.
Thanks, Fishing Guy, for taking your time to interview with the chinchilla! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and that we can do it again!
I had a great time. You made it really easy by keeping right at my interest level. Keep up the goodwork.
Mr. Chinchilla,
First I like to thank you for the time. I'm really new at this so I'll try my hardest.
It's been like over a week since I've done an interview and I'm really chomping at the bit--for a chinchilla, anyway. Ok. I'm really amped.
Let's rock.
1. Now that jedi's inspired you to blog, what do you find most enjoyable about blogging, and because you know I love two-part questions (man, do I love typing that, too!), how, if at all, has the Internet changed your life?
I really enjoyed my time in the blogging world. I have had excellent responses to all I have done so that is really great. I see some changes in new friends I have met such as Shark Girl.
2. You've power-washed your deck. What's your next home improvement project?
I actually did my front porch, driveway and front sidewalks first before the deck. The deck needs stained to be complete. The garage needs a major overhaul before winter. I will use the power washer in there also.
3. It's hard to believe that Halloween's around the corner. But please don't let that influence your response now that I'm asking you would you ever wear a giant chinchilla mascot costume, and, if so, under what circumstance(s)?
Sorry, Mister Chinchilla but I doubt that it would ever happen. I guess I'm too conservative.
4. I'm stealing this one from my interview with Euterpe: The chinchilla needs some parenting advice. Can you give him some?
Be strict but fair in your decisions. Set boundaries and make sure you hold to your limits. If you set a punishment follow through. If you don't it can really backfire. We raised four great kids and have eight grandchildren. I'm into grand-parenting now and you can be a lot more lenient. You can also be more giving. You can easily give guidance and direction and they will listen, most of the time. You also get to send them home when they get tired. Parents don't have that option.
5. Time and money are no object and, thanks to my magic black baseball cap, you'll now be able to go on your dream fishing expedition. Where do you go, what do you do, and what's on your menu?
I would like to wear the magic black baseball cap and go to Alaska and catch a giant Northern Pike.
6. Let's shift gears: If you could wear clothes from one decade only, which decade would you choose and why?
I would probably wear clothes from the 1950-60 because it would remind me of youth.
7. Back to fishing: Who or what influenced your interest in fishing, and do you have any favorite "fish story" that you can share with us?
My father was the original Fishing Guy. He was truly my main influence and gave me my love of fishing. He retired at 62 and fish[ed] 5 days a week as soon as the water thawed for 22 years until cancer took him away. I really miss him and hope he is on a beautiful lake in heaven.
I did go on one dream trip to Costa Rica. we fished off a 22-foot Bertram with a fighting chair. We caught our bait which were Blue Runners as large as the fish that I keep in my local lake. We were trolling and not catching anything and I asked the captain if I could hold the rod. By working the bait erratically I caught eight Rooster Fish with the largest being 60#. While I held the fish up by the gills its tail touched the deck with its head at my chest. The captain said it was El Grandee. I will have to scan the picture and put it in the blog some day. I was so tired as we came off the Pacific the captain saw a Barracuda near shore and I was too tired to cast to try to catch it.
8. Does "the other line move faster" or is that just a bunch of baloney?
The other line moves faster unless you move into it to slow it down. I've done it a couple times and always have been disappointed.
9. Wait. I almost forgot. By special request, I'm obligated to ask: What tools could you not live without?
My computer would be my main tool. I'm a Mechanical Engineer and design and draw with it. If you are talking power tools it would be the snow blower in theb ad winters. My rotertiller is invaluable in the garden. I love my power washer.
10. And, finally, where's your favorite vacation spot?
I guess I have two. I love Las Vegas because of the shows and fun gambling. I have relatives in Florida and we always have a great time down there.
Thanks, Fishing Guy, for taking your time to interview with the chinchilla! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and that we can do it again!
I had a great time. You made it really easy by keeping right at my interest level. Keep up the goodwork.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Flowers for Mr. Chinchilla
I snapped this one on my way back from the veterinarian. I was in a bad mood because this vet's bill obviously charged me for the time it took him to prepare my bill! Have you ever heard of such thing? My visit, itself, only lasted twelve minutes, but the bill reflected a full half hour of the vet's time. I bet he thought I wouldn't notice because I'm a stupid chinchilla, but don't you worry. I'll get the last laugh. Muhahaha!
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